“Gah. Here. Again.” {insert sigh filled with guilt and shame}

“It doesn’t seem to matter what I do; the numbers remain the same.” {place head on desk}

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Do these thoughts and feeling sound familiar?

At some point and time in your life, I bet these feelings have seeped in. Feeling the breadth of the emotions that would (and maybe still do) roll right over and through you.

Shame. Guilt. Fear. Worry. Anxiety. Just talking about them, I can feel my unhealthy emotions and symptoms getting all stirred up. Yuck.

If you haven’t figured out what I’m talking about yet, it’s…

Your Healthy & Financially Successful Money Mindset

You and I know exactly what poor health feels like when it comes to finances…however, can you identify and understand what a healthy mindset is around money and success?

That’s a little bit harder and it’s been a question that has been popping up a lot for those I work with; something I’ve been personally exploring over the last two years. The question I get asked the most often when it comes to success and money is, “How do I change my money mindset?”

Well, as you and I discussed in January, the solution seems so simple and easy on the surface, right? However, it’s only through exploring the journey you can take light and steady steps into and out of the unhealthy mindset.

You already know the unhealthy ways of a financial money mindset that lead to guilt and anxiety, right? What you don’t yet know is what a healthy money and success mindset is, so today we’re going to be talking about 3 steps to start the process to get you healthy!

Step #1: Gross Feelings Leave When Allowed

If you know that numbers, budgets, and spreadsheets aren’t your strength, and maybe they aren’t your partners skills or gift either, then give yourself permission to make it more enjoyable!

There is no rule in the universe (that I have come across) that says doing something that makes you feel gross should always feel gross.

Can you imagine a time when sitting down and going over your numbers feels good? Maybe even exciting? That place can come…I swear! One addition I made is that I light a cinnamon scented candle when I must do something that feels hard. The reason for this is because it helps me feel warm and safe…like when I would help my mom make pumpkin pie during the holiday season.

Note: Smell is the strongest memory trigger, so let’s bring balance to your anxious, stressed-out, worried emotions by bringing in some happier, more nurturing thoughts through scent!

Ask yourself this question: What do I need that will make the process even slightly more enjoyable for me?

Step #2: Know and Acknowledge Healthy & Unhealthy Thoughts 

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The very next time you go to sit down (or avoid because let’s be honest, okay?) I want you to have your identified enjoyable scent going along with a scratch piece of paper (or journal) and pen. Logging your thoughts and progress is important because this how you to dive into your journey. This is a really great way to help you track your progress because you’re not giving yourselves enough credit.

Having a journal or piece of paper to write about the queasy feeling you get when you sit down to your check book or spreadsheet allows you to write down:

  • the unhealthy thoughts you have around money
  • what it is that you’re trying to hide from
  • how you can best support yourself so you can take more positive steps

Often, when you start to do this you realize how much closer you are to your financial goals. That can often be intimidating because you must sit with several contradictory ideas:

  • you’re more powerful than you thought
  • you’re more knowledgeable than you realized
  • you have no more reasons for why you can’t do {x, y, z}

This comes down the final and third step…

Step #3: Money Reflects Your Values  

This may be a tough one for you to follow because it’s a very powerful realization and is tough for a lot of the high-achievers those I support (I include myself in this category too!)

High-achievers, like you, struggle with this because you can see the end result that leaves you wanting it all, like, yesterday! I think this is a GREAT thing! The world needs people like you (and me…) otherwise how would anything get done?

Your money reflects your values and when you start looking at the numbers it forces you to get real and prioritize your values…which means you’re going to have to:

  • start saying no to things you typically say yes to
  • start prioritizing the need to take better care of yourself (you can’t get to where you want to be if you’re riddled with shame and guilt!)
  • see places where your spending and intentions are out of alignment with who you are (and who you want to be!)

These three things are extremely challenging because it forces you to slow down, pay attention, and sit with emotions and thoughts you don’t want to sit with. This is hard and insanely uncomfortable; however, you can’t create an end result you love if you’re out of alignment with your values.

When your money and values line up things start to flow and feel easy, which can be scary for numerous reasons that mostly tie to our stories of success (and we’ll save that for another day.)

You’re Moving Forward

As you take and use the steps of:

  1. Allowing gross feelings to leave
  2. Acknowledging the healthy & unhealthy thoughts
  3. Allowing your money to reflect your values

…and you start moving forward into your healthier, more financially and successful self, there will be moments when you will feel all the familiar, unhealthy feelings because of the old thoughts and story lines you’ll bump up against. This happens because you’re steeping closer and more deeply into your wisdom, inner truth and trust. You can only do this through confronting old patterns and letting them go.

While I typically don’t make promises, I’ll promise you one thing: if you courageously put on your #bravegirlpants and find a loving way through and past the guilt, worry, stress, fear, shame and anxiety you will start to lead a life and business that’s in alignment…and it’s one of the most liberating and exhilarating experiences you’ll ever have!

I hope you’re showing up in the world in a way that truly feels good to you and who you are,

Amy

Psychotherapist + Growth & Success Strategist

Edit: This article originally appeared in Athens-Oconee Parent magazine where Amy is a regular contributor!

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