“Why can’t you just do it already?!” is a statement, a blend of grumbling and shouting, I’ve said to loved ones before.
“Why can’t I just get it done for the love of all things holy? What’s my problem?!” is most certainly a sentence I’ve muttered to myself with a serious dash of snide, irritation in my head.
I bet you have too.Fear in business isn’t easy to deal with and it’s time you and I take a hard look at it.
Being a mother, a business owner and a woman in leadership is not for the faint of heart. No one ever prepared me for 24-hour, on-call role modeling. Yet, this is the very definition of each of these roles. It’s an incredible amount of weight to carry and it’s caused me heart-ache, pain, joy, love, regret, confusion and complete clarity.
One thing I’ve made a point of doing during the last two and a half months of 2017 is reflect, rest and rejuvenate. As I created space in my life for these things (which is very difficult for this over achiever by the way) I realized how life sought to re-educate me on values, alignment and redefinition of my work…and for someone who is passionate about helping people, I can’t redefine my work without redefining myself and how I want to show up in the world.
Your Re-education Sponsored by Life. The life theme that kept creeping to the surface for me in 2017 was looking hard, and being painfully honest, at: Simple v Easy.
Have you ever really taken the time to understand the true definition of these words? No? That’s okay because we are going to talk about it now…
Simple (adj.) easily understood or done, presenting no difficulty. Composed of a single element, not compound.
Easy (adj.) achieved without great effort, presenting few difficulties.
Now, sit with these definitions for a moment. Think about the two internal statements you and I both acknowledged at the beginning of this conversation:
- Why can’t you just do it already?!
- Why can’t I just get it done for the love of all things holy? What’s my problem?
These two statements immediately imply to you something needs to be done and clearly anyone can do them. It must be child’s play, right?
The underlying message I’m sending to myself in these two statements are:
“If it’s child’s play, and I’m about to turn 40, I must be the oldest idiot I know…” because anyone can understand the task at hand and can see what needs to be done…now, just do it already. There is so much more tied to than just “doing it.”
There is stepping into fear and a change in perspective that must take place first.
Fear in Life & Business: A Change of Perspective
Making this shift in perspective is no easy task because it forces you to deal with old storylines that are often painful. It also means you must be willing to slow down enough to step out of the cycle you’re stuck in. The cycle is what I mentioned above and typically plays out like the following:
- This is easy, I can do [enter action/project here]
- Why aren’t I getting [insert action/project here] done, it’s simple and easy
- I must be the oldest idiot anywhere, this is child’s play
It just keeps going and going. This energizer bunny, this cycle, only leaves you feeling drained, irritated, guilty, ashamed and annoyed.
Truly, sit and think about this for a minute: How much energy and time do you use up shaming yourself and piling on the guilt of not being able to [insert action] on [insert project here]?
- What if I told you the re-education, the answer, is painfully obvious and insanely empowering to women?
- What would you say that you will gain more confidence, balance and ease if you are willing to re-educate and break the cycle?
Two Hard Truths to Step Out of the Cycle
You’ve been looking for more confidence, balance and ease for a while now. I know I was and life had to throw a whole lot at me to get my attention. (I can be very stubborn and hyper-focused sometimes, ask my husband and kids.)
If you’re ready to step out of this circular cycle you must re-define and re-educate and accept this first hard truth:
Hard Truth #1:
Something that looks simple doesn’t mean it’s easy.
The very definition of “easy” is, “achieved without great effort.”
You didn’t notice it, and it took me almost 40 years to get it: simple and easy don’t always correlate. They don’t always go together like peanut butter and cupcake (great book, right?)
You can see the answer, you can see the solution and see the task at hand, yet, it remains out of reach because it’s not easy to get there.
The reason things seem simple and not easy are because you have bias, internal thoughts and emotional weight that you can’t simply move past until you change perspectives. Additionally, nothing, and I mean nothing, will bring up your internal and emotional struggles like motherhood, being a woman in leadership and owning your own business. Which leads me to…
Hard Truth #2:
Stay-at-home moms ARE CEO’s, small business owners, entrepreneurs and women in leadership.
These women manage: schedules, appointments, budgets, projects, transportation, goods and receivables, act as hostage negotiators err, manage unreasonable people (seriously, I dare you to get between a 3-year old and Daniel Tiger), supplies and paperwork.
Sounds a lot like a CEO, a small business owner and woman in leadership, right? Additionally, can you think of a team more important to lead than your own family?
I was talking with someone about my re-niching recently and who I was having the most fun supporting: CEO’s of companies/owners and women in business. They responded with, “I don’t want to serve CEO’s…” and made an off-hand comment that implied they were somehow less deserving of support. I didn’t say anything at the time because I was really caught off guard by the statement, they clearly have a different perspective than I have and that’s okay.
The Two Toughest Careers
It’s okay for people to have a different perspective or to serve in a different way. The world needs all kinds of support. Me? I will serve traditional CEO’s, small business owners, entrepreneurs, women in leadership and stay-at-home CEO’s all-day long. These are the people I LOVE to support because they have the toughest careers I know of: parenting and running a business (and usually it’s both).
Listen to me…if you’ve been on the struggle bus. If you’ve been stuck in your life. If you’ve been stuck in your business and work, you are going to have to get honest and re-educate yourself about simple v easy. You have to work on redefining these two words and how you want them to play out in your life if you want more confidence, balance and ease.
You’ve got this!
Psychotherapist + Growth & Success Strategist
NOTE: This article original appeared in Athens-Oconee Parent Magazine where Amy is a regular contributor!