…and Why ‘Fake It ‘Till You Make’ It Doesn’t Actually Work
You heard your whole life the cliché saying of, “Fake it until you make it!” Even one of my very favorite thought and leadership guides says this (it’s Michael Hyatt in case you’re wondering.).
This is an attempt to help people believe in themselves, build their confidence and learn how to trust their instincts until they do. And as with most things in life, it’s great in theory and terrible in practice! This is particularly hard for those who strive to be authentic like most of the soulprenerurs I work with.
You have heart and passion for the service you provide to your community and this means you have to show up in bigger, bolder, braver ways that ever before; particularly if you want to carrier your message to a larger community.
Soulpreneuers, who have this kind of desire, have the biggest hearts I know– while also have the biggest desire to be authentic in who they are- this is where the trouble starts!
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Trouble Starts in a 3 Step Process
The trouble starts with and keeps rolling with a 3-step process which you certainly started with the best of intentions- yet, it snowballed and morphed into something completely different.
- Your Inauthentic Self
One of the greatest challenges with fake it until you make is that it creates an inauthentic sense of authority for many of the women I serve.
The truth is that you already have an authentic authority and no license, certification or training can take that from you. However, there is a quiet little voice inside your mind that tells you heart that is can be snatched at any minute. That it will be taken away…
If you decide to allow a piece of paper to have that much hold over you and who you are- it quietly implies that a piece of paper makes you who you are…this leaves you in a very disempowered place. So, when you ‘fake it until you make it’ it fees incredibly ingenuine to who you are. When you feel ingenuine, it makes it very difficult to show up and share your message. Things start to feel uncomfortable, because it’s feels false and now you’ve got to find a way to cope with your imposter syndrome.
- Struggling with Imposter Syndrome
You find yourself living a partial falsehood which leaves you feeling uncomfortable and well, gross because you believe you’re imposter (this will happen when you allow yourself to be defined by a pieces of paper). You’ve made it this far in your business and you feel yourself starting to get stuck because the imposter syndrome only grows…
It’s painful and hard to keep moving and pushing a practice forward when you feel like you’re feeling like you’re living a false reality- living in a false reality creates and breeds fear. However, this is what people do right? They ‘fake ‘till they make it.’ So, you keep going.
In order to keep dealing and coping with your imposter syndrome, you feel as though you have to put on blinders. If you pause, and look around too long, you’ll feel too much you’ll get stuck in the uncomfortableness and fear. This leaves pushing forward as the only answer…and push you do and this leaves to the another step.
- Your Blinders & Red Flag
You’ve got the blinders on and this is what I call, “Head-Down-And-Keep-Moving.” It feels soooo safe and easy to do this- because you can’t pause and look around! Girl, this is used to be my main-go-to.
This was my jam…and the even better news, I got to ‘analyze and fix’ things when I was in this headspace! I love fixing things for people it makes me feel useful and productive. It makes me feel like I’m enough (do you see the red flag here?) This is what made me such a great therapist and so good at my job! And here is where it get’s even more sticky…
Guess what happens when you start living and analyzing in your head all the time?
Your Lose the Experience & Increase Fear
When you start to live in your headspace all the time- you will become disconnected and disembody from yourself. It will happen and it’s because you lose the experience of being present and witnessing your journey.
You unintentionally lost the experience and process of developing as practice owner and person by going into your head. When you come out of this head space and look around- you’re fear of being inauthentic and
If you’ve disconnected from yourself, you fail to witness and experience your practice and life- how are you going to learn to believe in yourself, build your confidence and trust your instincts if you can’t witness your own journey?
The truth is journeys are a bumpy, windy (and not always very well maintained) roads…yet there is a critical reason more and more leaders are incorporating being present, and focused (aka, using mindfulness) into their practices and life.
Because mindfulness works; allowing you to be present and witness your life so you can actually embody the very things you’re creating like believing in yourself, deepening your own self-trust and learning to follow your instincts!
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Living Fear While Experiencing Freedom & Joy
Living with less fear and more time & joy, doesn’t that sound amazing? It does, and it is…
If you’re wondering how to do this, keep reading because the tips and ideas I’m about to hit you with are going to help you move through and past the fear so you can truly experience more freedom and more joy in your life!
Embodying Freedom & Joy
There are many ways you can stay present in your body while moving through fear. It’s important to pause here because I want you to hear something that’s really important:
You need fear in your life.
You do…see, fear actually helps keep you and people you love and care for alive. Think about all the things fear has kept you safe from:
- Touching a hot plate (think, favorite Meixcan restaurant when told ‘don’t touch the hot plate!’)
- Crossing the street (you’ll get hit by a car or bus)
- Careful when using power saws (you can lose a finger- true family story)
Fear has its place, it’s evolutionary and it does keep you safe. The fact is that our fight or flight systems still kick in even though you are living in the safest time mankind has ever experienced.
The truth is you want fear in your life- you don’t want it controlling your decisions, choices and coloring your experiences. Fear really doesn’t need to have that much control…it’s about learning to witness it while still moving through and past it.
Being Present Leads to Embodiment
Often times when I ask client what’s scary about being present in their life- they’ll say, “Guilt and worry about all the things I should be doing.”
You struggle with these things, I struggle with these things…everyone struggles with these things. So, how do we stay present in our bodies while being crazy uncomfortable in our lives?
- Practice a grounding meditation
This can be an audio recording, YouTube Video or reaching out to a friend or coach like myself to talk about what you’re experiencing and what exactly you’re struggling with. The biggest take away here is to stay with the feeling. It’s hard, it’s sacry…and yet it’s the very thing that will set you free and bring you more joy! You can work through this, I promise!
- Do Some Earthing (yep, it’s a thing!)
I want you to seriously consider this: when was the last time you put your hands in the soil and planted something? Or even played in a sandbox? Studies are showing that we you practice “earthing” you experience less pain and better sleep (that alone makes it worth it!)
You and I just talked about the reduction of pain in our bodies…stretching helps with this too! Stretching supports your cardio vascular system by increasing your blood flow and carrying more oxygen to organs…guess what? More oxygen helps you think and feel better which increases your desire to be more present in your life and then you can experience more joy (score!)
- Take Mental Breaks
Used to working for long stretches of time? Working with clients back-to-back and then feeling drained after a long day? Working in 90-minute blocks actually increases you energy, refreshes your mind and helps you think more clearly. Can you imagine what you life would feel like if you took 3 mental breaks a day where you traded off stretching and walks? Then added gardening in the evenings?
Break Through for You
One the biggest reasons soulpreneuers and leaders get into the healing and helping fields is because they have a passion for helping other people. This is awesome…you and I have talked before about how the world needs more helpers and healers.
The single best way you can help the community and people you’re called to serve- become passionate about caring for yourself. There is a 100% chance you will bump up against old storylines and this it will make you extremely uncomfortable and you’ll want to escape back into the safety of your mind to “analyze and fix” things…
Step deeper into trust with and the people who are on this journey with you, step into deeper trust with your self and God and Universe and say, “Yes” to you.
Say yes to yourself so you can move through the fear and experience more freedom and joy in your business and life.
You have to be doing this level of mindset work for yourself- if you do it for any other reason, you’ll start getting out of alignment, put the blinders back on and stepping into the same negative feedback cycle.
Doing this mindset work, releasing old storylines, reaching through the fear will be some of the bravest, most courageous work you’ll ever do- and you, your business and loved ones will love you for it! This work will lead you, and those you are meant to serve and support, in direction you’re destined to go.
And it will be amazing, humbling, hard, scary and completely beautiful.
Keep going friend, you’ve got this,